


Living In La La Land

by Lady_Blade_WarAngel



Series: SPYWARE [3]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 09:52:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2383934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Blade_WarAngel/pseuds/Lady_Blade_WarAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While Brienne's broken body is being put back together, Jaime and Brynden interrogate Gregor Clegane and Ramsay Bolton, whilst everyone worries about someone feeding inside information, and Brienne loses herself inside her mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living In La La Land

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this isn't quite the happy ending everyone is hoping for. But there will be seven parts to this. So we'll see where it goes. This is only part 3. LOL! I hope you all enjoy it anyways.

Living In La La Land.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

“Brienne?” Brienne looked at Doctor Olenna Tyrell. She’d been a part of Winterfell for such a long time that she was a fixture. The best of all the doctors under the Winterfell paycheque.

“Doctor Tyrell?” Brienne asked. She nodded.

“You recognise me. That’s good. It means you haven’t lost your mind yet.” Olenna said. Brienne wasn’t sure whether or not to believe it. She was in a Winterfell hospital unit. Surrounded by machinery and receiving treatment for her injuries.

“Brienne, you need to tell us what happened.” Catelyn said to her gently. Brienne told her everything she knew about what had happened to her, but nothing else. She wasn’t sure how far she could trust what was going on around her. She was afraid and she wasn’t sure what was real and what wasn’t. “You’re going to be alright Brienne. We’re taking you back to London. You’re going to be fine.” Catelyn told her gently, but Brienne could see the tears in the woman’s eyes.

“Am I dying Catelyn?” Brienne asked. It sometimes felt like it. Catelyn shook her head vigorously.

“No! No. You’re not dying Brienne. You’re... you’re hurt, pretty badly, but you’re not dying. Our medical teams are going to fix you up. You are going to be alright.” Catelyn said to Brienne firmly. Brienne looked into Catelyn’s teary eyes and saw she was being truthful. But Brienne wasn’t sure if this was real. Was it real? Were Catelyn or Olenna even real? Could it be she had survived after all? Or was she still in that cell, her hands chained to that dark filthy ceiling, dangling and waiting to die? Was she simply hallucinating? It seemed so real, but people often started having delusions after a prolonged time being tortured. Better than her had lost their minds under torture, was she now just a percentage? Brienne wanted to believe she wasn’t, but at the same time, she had to catalogue it as a possibility.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Jaime was horrified to see Catelyn come out of Brienne’s room, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“What happened? What did she say?” Jaime asked, worried as he had never been before. Catelyn looked at Jaime anxiously.

“She... they tortured her like an animal. She’s such a mess Jaime.” Catelyn looked so horrified.

“Catelyn?” Jaime questioned firmly.

“She only told me about what was done to her. She didn’t speak about the mission at all. It’s almost as though she doesn’t believe I’m real. She asked me if she was dying.” Catelyn said, a half sob escaping her. Jaime felt sick to his stomach.

“Who did we catch?” Jaime asked.

“We got Ramsay Bolton and Gregor Clegane. There were a couple of others. Most of them were more willing to fight and die then to get captured. But Clegane and Bolton were the ringleaders. We needed them.” Brynden said. Jaime hadn’t even been aware that he was there. That was when Doctor Tyrell came out of the room.

“She’s not even aware of how long she’s been a prisoner. Apparently, once Ramsay Bolton took over there was no longer a routine so Brienne couldn’t tell how long she was there for.” Olenna said.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Jaime asked.

“It means that Bolton used psychological torture on her. Clegane was never that intelligent, he still isn’t. He deals in basic torture, no matter how violent. According to Brienne he broke all her fingers, yanked out her fingernails, beat her, shoved burning splinters of bamboo under her nails before he removed them of course. He used a burning poker on her. She knew what was going on then. She said she had been a prisoner for ten days under Clegane’s torture. But once Ramsay Bolton took over...” Catelyn trailed off. Jaime felt a horrible anger coil up inside him. He wanted to find Clegane and Bolton and kill them, but not before making them suffer every indignity that Brienne had suffered, every wound, every single painful moment, before he ended their lives.

“The burns are extensive, she’ll be scarred for life. There is little that can be done with such burns. Also, well...” Olenna seemed unwilling to continue.

“What?” Catelyn asked him. “Olenna, what’s wrong?” Catelyn asked again. The old doctor looked saddened.

“Ramsay Bolton did not just take the skin from Brienne’s cheek. He took skin from her back, her arms, legs, he even cut a mark over her heart, the flayed man of the Bolton Syndicate if I had to guess. He marked Brienne as a victim. Her fingers may never have the same dexterity they had before, if they work after the time they’ve remained broken. We have to take her into surgery to fix her broken bones. Her fingers are just some of the bones we need to reset. One of her legs is broken in three places, her left forearm is shattered. She’ll need pins to pull it back together. She’s a mess. Physically, she should recover, in spite of the fact that she’s on the verge of contracting hypothermia or pneumonia at this point. But mentally...” Olenna trailed off and Jaime wanted to cry. He’d never felt that want to cry before. He’d seen injuries happen on missions. The first time he’d realised exactly how much he cared for Brienne was on a mission where she’d been hurt and he’d feared her dying. This was different. Brienne just seemed to be elsewhere in her mind. Jaime walked towards the room.

“Jaime what are you doing?” Catelyn asked him.

“I’m going to speak to Brienne before you take her into surgery. She shouldn’t be alone.” Jaime stated coldly before entering the room. Brienne looked so lost and broken. Most of the blood had been cleaned off as the medical team examined her. She was actually wearing a white hospital gown and her skin was pale, even for her, and her freckles stood out all the more for it. He sat by her bedside and slowly Brienne opened her eyes and looked at him.

“Jaime?” Brienne said softly.

“Brienne?” Jaime shot back. She allowed a small smile to cross her lips.

“I shouldn’t smile. Gregor told Ramsay not to touch my teeth or my tongue or my fingers. Said that he wanted the Winterfell operatives to be able to identify me quickly so they’d know it was him who killed me. Said they needed me to keep my tongue so I could talk. I won’t talk Jaime. But Ramsay doesn’t really care what kind of damage he causes. If I smile he might just cut out my tongue for spite, or yank out my teeth with pliers, like Gregor took my fingernails. I’m sitting. I don’t sit unless they’re torturing me.” Brienne babbled on. Jaime allowed his hand to cup Brienne’s uninjured cheek.

“Brienne you’re safe. You don’t have to worry about Gregor Clegane or Ramsay Bolton. If you want I’ll go and fucking slit their throats right now.” Jaime said. Brienne looked at him.

“But I have to worry about Clegane. That was my mission, to capture him. Then you’ll be able to come back sooner. I know how much you hate it. Going to America, to see your family. Ned said it might help to bring you back sooner, but he didn’t really want to send me. I’ve never seen him look so uncomfortable about something in all the time I’ve known him. He was probably worried about something like this. But he shouldn’t be. I’m strong enough to keep my mouth shut. I am. I know better men and women have cracked under less, but I’ll be alright Jaime. I will.” Brienne said softly. Jaime felt a fiery anger licking at his insides.

“Ned manipulated you into this fucking mission?” Jaime asked angrily. Brienne looked confused.

“No. I went because I was the only one available, but it helps that maybe I can help you too.” Brienne replied. Jaime felt a couple of tears roll down his cheeks. “Are you crying Jaime? I haven’t seen you cry since that one mission we took to Paris where I got shot. I’m alright. I’ll be perfectly alright Jaime. I feel bad that I couldn’t keep my promise.” Brienne said, reaching out a bandaged hand that Jaime took and raised to his lips, kissing the top of it. Brienne looked at him sadly. Jaime carefully pulled Brienne into his arms to hug her. He was gentle, not knowing exactly where her injuries lay.

“Brienne.” He whispered softly. “Just... you have to get better. I don’t know what the fuck I’d do without you.” Jaime said softly. He felt one of Brienne’s arms wrap around him. He knew the other was broken and it would probably hurt to move it.

“I’ll be alright Jaime. I’ll be back in London before you know it.” Brienne said softly. That was when the door opened. Jaime looked to see Sansa there.

“We have to take her for surgery Jaime.” Sansa said softly. Jaime nodded and moved back, after placing a kiss on Brienne’s forehead, and watched as Sansa and Pod wheeled the stretcher out of the room. When he knew the stretcher was gone, Jaime got up and walked to the private bathroom, attached to the room and allowed himself to break down. There were no cameras in there. It was the only place where there wasn’t a camera, and Jaime allowed himself to cry. How could he not when Brienne barely seemed like she was in the real world with them?

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Brienne was floating in a void. She wasn’t sure what she preferred. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to be surrounded by the people she knew, that weren’t real, or whether she wanted to feel nothing. Either way was torturous.

 _“I’m starting to lose my mind.”_ Brienne thought. Then she saw flashes of things that had happened to her. Not just the torture, but all the good as well as the bad. _“I’ve lost my mind. It’s gone.”_ Brienne thought to herself. She wasn’t sure what she could do at this point. It felt like the world no longer existed outside of this strange void that she was in and Brienne still wasn’t sure how good or bad that was.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

“Jaime.” Jaime looked at Brynden. “I’m going to need you with me to help interrogate Clegane and Bolton. They’re twisted fucks. If they think that we don’t give a damn about Brienne, they’ll just clam up. But with you there...” Brynden trailed off.

“You want to use the fact that she’s my partner to get those fuckers to talk? Because they’ll enjoy seeing my pain?” Jaime asked angrily.

“Do you want her sacrifice to be worth anything Jaime?” Jaime looked at Catelyn, who like him, was waiting for news of Brienne. Jaime clenched his hands into fists and stood up.

“Your fucking husband sent her on this mission and told her it might bring me back quicker, so don’t you _dare_ ask me if I want her sacrifice to be in vain! Why don’t you ask Ned, huh Catelyn?” Jaime hissed angrily.

“I did say that.” Jaime spun round to see Ned standing in the corridor. Jaime wanted to launch himself at the older man, but knew it wouldn’t do any good. “But I didn’t want her to have to go. The orders came from higher up than me Jaime. She was the most experienced operative available. She knew that. If I had sent her in with anyone it would have been a liability. None of the other available operatives had the same experience as her. They were pretty much rookies. With you in America, Loras in Switzerland, Margaery in Croatia, Brynden in China, Jorah and Daenerys in Morocco, Varys in Rome dealing with the Darkstar case and Dacey and Mya in Scotland, keeping an eye on Scotland Yard, the only other person we had that was even close to having the semblance of experience for this mission was Hyle Hunt, and I certainly wasn’t sending him.” Ned said. Jaime was shaking with anger.

“She was beaten and burned, her fingers were broken, her arm was broken, her leg was broken, her fingernails were ripped out. For fuck’s sake Ned she thinks that no one around her is real!” Jaime exclaimed. Ned clenched his own fists, looking angry and horrified.

“Do you really think I wanted to send her alone Jaime? Really? Up against the Mountain’s Men? No one should have known she was even in Russia. She used a Russian passport and you know she speaks Russian fluently. She didn’t even dress like an operative. She dressed like a working class Russian. She wore a black wig. We took every precaution.” Ned said.

“Yeah, and used me to manipulate her into agreeing.” Jaime hissed.

“I told her it might bring you home sooner, but she would have gone on the mission with or without that extra incentive Jaime. She’s been a Winterfell operative longer than you have. She knows her duty. She... she’d... she’s never failed a mission before.” Ned said.

“This wasn’t her failure Ned.” Jaime said coldly.

“You’re right.” The group looked at Podrick, who held a file in his hands. “You need to see this Mr Stark. It’s important.” Podrick added. Ned took the file and Jaime, Catelyn and Brynden watched as Ned read it. His face turned pale and he nodded handing the file to Podrick.

“Have you compiled a list of possibles for this?” Ned asked.

“Yes. My own name is on there. I was after all in the Main office. I knew Brienne was leaving and when. So the list of everyone who could possibly have known and handed over information is waiting for you Sir.” Podrick replied.

“Are you saying we have a mole? Someone leaked the information, set Brienne up?” Jaime asked.

“We just might.” Ned said. He looked at Podrick.

“I want you, Arya and Gendry working on this Podrick. I want certainties before I start questioning our operatives. I need to know for sure that we have an insider handing out information.” Ned said. Podrick nodded and disappeared, taking the file with him, into another room. “Jaime, if you and Brynden interrogate Bolton and Clegane, you may well find out if we have a mole, and who, before Podrick even gets through all the information.” Ned said. Jaime wanted to know. He wanted the information, so that if someone had betrayed them, Jaime could end their lives himself. He nodded and looked at Catelyn and Ned.

“As soon as you know anything...” Jaime trailed off. Catelyn nodded.

“I’ll let you know. I promise Jaime. Good or bad.” Catelyn said. Jaime nodded. He knew Catelyn Stark always kept her word. He didn’t want to do this, but if he could get them talking, then he didn’t care how humiliating or painful the process was. Brienne had suffered for the mission, it was his turn now.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Brienne almost liked the floating. It seemed so much better to not knowing the truth of what she saw around her. It was warm and comforting and she liked the feeling of having no responsibilities and no cares as she floated on what seemed like a warm bed that was made from water inside, but never deflated or burst to soak her. She felt the rolling of her mind, almost like the rolling of the sea she had grown up around, and she was so tired as her mind called her to sleep, so that was what Brienne did. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift away.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Jaime and Brynden were sat across from Gregor Clegane first. The man was a behemoth and Jaime knew that if that man hit anything, it broke into splinters. He couldn’t imagine how much pain Brienne had been in, under this monster’s hands.

“Why the fuck you think I care about stupid bitch who got caught trying to kill me?” Gregor stated irritably.

“I don’t think you do care. I also think someone told you about her. Someone gave you information and I want to know who it was.” Brynden stated. Gregor snorted.

“Why? Why would I tell you? So you can get rid of them? Then who would give me information?” Gregor replied coldly. This annoyed Jaime more then he could think. Brynden had Gregor taken back to his cell.

“He won’t talk Jaime. We might be able to get more out of Bolton.” Brynden said. They had been at this for hours. Jaime had received a call that Brienne was out of surgery. They had to wait for twenty four hours now, to see if she woke and to see how much it would take for her to recover. Jaime wanted to be by her side, not here trying not to punch the scum that did this to her in the first place.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

“Do you think we really have a mole in Winterfell?” Arya asked Podrick as they started going over the files. Gendry looked as though he wanted to ask the same question. He liked Brienne, she was a friend. But she had been captured and tortured. If there was a mole, would they burn others? Would Gendry’s older sister Mya, be the next one to be tortured into near insanity?

“It doesn’t matter. We need to examine the evidence and find out what is going on for ourselves. Our thoughts mean nothing without facts to back it up.” Gendry stated. Arya and Pod nodded their agreement and soon the trio were working on everything they had in front of them.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Jaime wanted to strangle Ramsay Bolton. The man was a disgusting worm and Jaime wanted to vomit at the idea that this psycho had put his hands on Brienne.

“You’ve questioned me for a while Blackfish. Your little Red salmon here hasn’t said much. Did you like the improvements we made on poor Blue? Usually the same torture methods bore me after a while. But with her, it was a lot more fun than usual. She just would not talk at all. She never gave anything away. I barely got a scream out of the bitch. It made her interesting.” Ramsay said. Jaime felt like he was burning from the inside out. He was angry and he could barely keep his concentration and temper in check.

“Who told you our names? Who gave Blue up to you?” Brynden asked again. Ramsay laughed loudly.

“Do you really think I’m going to talk? Unlike me, you people don’t torture for information. It’s not... how do you put it... cricket? That’s how you English buggers put it.” Ramsay said. Jaime stood up, his chair squeaked angrily against the floor as he slammed his hands, palm down, on the metal table in between them.

“You think I won’t torture you, you fucker? I’d be only too happy to.” Jaime hissed.

“But it isn’t protocol. You Winterfell operatives don’t do the dishonourable thing. You see, that sweet blonde thing had more guts than you. She kept her mouth shut. She was a tight fit. Even when I fucked her bloody she didn’t scream. Well, maybe a little.” Ramsay said. Jaime roared with anger as he threw himself across the table and smashed his fist into Ramsay’s face, the bastard laughed as Jame wrapped his hands around Ramsay’s throat and squeezed. Brynden dragged Jaime off and pulled him out of the room.

“Calm the fuck down Jaime!” Brynden barked at him.

“Did you hear him? Did you hear what he fucking said? I will fucking kill him!” Jaime could barely breathe, couldn’t get the words out.

“He said that to get to you Jaime. He knew it would get to you to hear something like that. Neither of them touched Brienne sexually. Doctor Tyrell confirmed that when she examined Brienne herself." Jaime shook his head, trying to clear his anger.

 _“They didn’t rape her. They didn’t. The bastard was lying.”_ Jaime repeated the same words mentally for a good few minutes before he could calm down.

“Jaime, you need to keep your cool.” Brynden said calmly.

“How do you do it? If it were Catelyn, or someone else you cared about?” Jaime asked.

“I don’t know Jaime. I can’t give you an answer. I would be as angry as you are. I’d want to kill them, to take vengeance. But right now we have other agents out there. Three of them are female. If this informant burned Brienne, he or she might be willing to do the same to the others. Then what Jaime? Then we have several agents being tortured for information, just like Brienne. But they may not be as strong as her and may give information under torture. Hell, they may be as strong as her, but not survive to be rescued. Brienne is alive, she’s here with us. The others are not.” Brynden said.

“Blackfish!” Jaime and Brienne turned to see Hyle Hunt running towards them.

“What’s going on Hunt?” Brynden asked.

“It’s official! Dacey and Mya were burned. They got snatched by the Warlocks.” Hyle said.

“Fuck!” Jaime hissed out.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Arya, Gendry and Pod were still looking over the information. They had gone to Brienne’s apartment in Moscow. They saw there had been a struggle. The place was a mess. It was obviously where Brienne had been taken from.

“How the fuck would they find one of the safe houses like that?” Arya questioned angrily.

“There was an insider giving them information.” Pod said. Gendry nodded.

“It’s the only way. There is no other way they could know.” Gendry said. 

“When cataloguing her injuries, Sansa and I noticed that Ramsay Bolton left... lettered code on Brienne’s skin. He cut pieces off and carved words into the raw, bleeding flesh underneath. I took down the letters and numbers and words.” Pod said. Arya nodded.

“And we matched them with a code book that we found in Ramsay’s room in the warehouse. At least we assume it’s Ramsay’s room, because of all the Bolton family symbols everywhere.” Arya added.

“And what did the code say?” Gendry asked.

“We’re still running it. If we had Margaery here, it would be going a lot quicker.” Pod replied.

“Someone has been feeding information to the Mountain’s Men. One of our own. It had to be someone who was in the main building, someone who would have known that Brienne was heading off and what day. Someone who could have told Clegane where Brienne was going to land, what she would look like and how long she was supposed to be staying and what name she would be staying under. It’s the only way he could have known. They took her from her apartment, one of our safe houses, they knew her code name. They wanted information from her. These bastards knew, and someone helped them. We need to know who it was.” Arya stated. Pod and Gendry merely nodded and as they went back to working on the code, Sansa burst into the room.

“It’s horrible! Oh God it’s awful!” Sansa cried out.

“What’s happened Sansa?” Arya asked.

“Is it Brienne?” Pod asked. Sansa looked at Gendry.

“The insider burned Dacey and Mya. They were snatched by the Warlocks yesterday evening. I’m sorry Gendry.” Sansa said. Gendry felt his world fall apart then.

“We need to find out who the mole is right now. We can’t keep trying to decode this shit.” Gendry hissed angrily. Sansa looked at the bloodied book on the table.

“Isn’t that a copy of Jonquil and Florian? In High Valyrian? Or is it in Dothraki? I’m not sure. But I’m sure I studied it at the university.” Sansa said. Arya looked at it.

“Wait... Sansa’s right. It is Jonquil and Florian. But it’s in Krull. The language of the Others. Mostly it’s been forgotten, but I learned about ancient Krull when I was at university.” Arya replied.

“That’s why it didn’t make sense. We don’t have Krull in the database because it’s never been a basis for use like this before.” Pod said.

“Well now we know, we have to figure out the code.” Gendry said. The trio went back to looking over the book and trying to decode it, whilst Sansa left the room, to go and tell her mother what they now knew.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

“What happened Sansa?” Jaime was concerned when he saw Catelyn talking to her eldest daughter. He’d just come back from the interrogation, more angry then had he had been before he went in. The idea of an informant in their own ranks was grating on his nerves and he wanted to know who had tried to get Brienne killed, along with the, now missing, agents Dacey and Mya.

“She... we almost lost her in theatre, but-” Jaime cut Sansa off.

“Brienne? Tell me you’re not talking about Brienne.” Jaime almost pleaded. Sansa shook her head.

“Brienne’s heart stopped. But we got her back. The thing is she hasn’t woken up yet. Doctor Tyrell says she’s slipped into a coma.” Sansa said. Jaime felt like his whole world had stopped.

“I was told she was alright.” Jaime said.

“Jaime, you should know it takes time to know whether someone is recovering well from surgery.” The group looked at Olenna Tyrell, who looked exhausted. She looked at Catelyn. “Are my grandchildren being brought out?” Olenna asked.

“We’re still looking for the mole Olenna.” Catelyn said.

“So they’re bait? We wait until this mole burns all our agents?” Olenna asked angrily.

“No. We’ve already called them in. It’s whether or not they make it to the respective meeting points before the mole burns them. We try and take them out too quickly, then we might as well be burning them ourselves.” Catelyn replied.

“We are going to find this fucker.” Jaime stated firmly. Olenna looked at him. “We will find out who did this. I don’t know how, but we will.” Jaime added. Olenna gave Jaime a sad, half smile.

“I really hope so.” Olenna said. Jaime nodded and headed towards Brienne’s room. “Jaime? They say that if you talk to someone who’s in a coma, they can hear you. So when you see Brienne, just try and speak to her. She may well hear you, which might wake her up.” Olenna told Jaime firmly. How Jaime hated this, all of it, and wished he could just kiss Brienne awake. It wasn’t an easy situation.

 _“I have to be strong for her. How can I tell her how much she means to me, how much I love her, if I can’t even stay strong for her now she needs me the most?”_ Jaime thought to himself before going into Brienne’s hospital room.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little note for you all. When spies talk about being "burned" or someone "burning" their people, it's a metaphor for someone giving out their identity so that they can be tracked down, tortured and killed. (nods)
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you think. I do hope you all enjoyed it at any rate. (nods)


End file.
